Even Though You Mean So Much To Me
by naughtsandcrosses
Summary: I never wanted to leave,but I had to do what was best for me,at least I think so. I thought leaving Eli would make things easier,but all it did was make things even more complicated. I think I miss him now, more than ever. There's No Life After You sequel


Okay, this is a small one shot, and the sequel to _There's No Life After You_. I felt as though that I shouldn't make a mirroring two shot in Clare's POV, because _Drop the World _and _Love Game_ were already in her view, so it would be just a recollection and be boring… I wasn't really sure what to add in here, so it is a little short, and I apologize, but the ending is worth it *smiley face*

So, leave me a review?

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Degrassi. If I did, Jake and Imogen would have been thrown off a cliff while Clare and Eli drove off on Morty into the sunset. *le sigh* I also do not own _If It Means A Lot To You _by _A Day To Remember_

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><p><em>…and even though you mean so much to me, I can't wait through everything.<em>

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><p>I never wanted to leave, but I had to do what was best for me...at least I think so. I thought leaving Eli would make things easier, but all it did was make things even more complicated. I think I miss him now, more than ever. But I can't go back...at least not yet.<p>

As I ran away from the hospital, away from Eli, I never stopped the flow of tears that ran down my face. I didn't wipe them away. I let them fall.

I let everything out.

Behind all this, what I mostly was, was frustrated. Eli and I had something great, but his post trauma after Julia had to ruin it all. All the emotional stress he was putting me though truly was too much for me right now.

I couldn't handle my parents separating, Eli, _and_ my life all at once.

As much as I love Eli, him and his playful smirks and witty, sarcastic remarks, and long, silky hair I loved to feed my fingers through, and his deep forest green eyes I found myself lost into… Focus, Clare. As much as I love him and want to be with him, I couldn't handle it anymore.

What killed me the most, was that I broke a promise.

I promised him I'd be there, to help him clean up his room and get better. I promised him he was stuck with me, that I wouldn't leave. That, alone, killed me.

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><p>Spring Break was terrible. I lay in my room for days on end and I hardly ever came out. I never uttered a single word to anyone but Adam, who was a good enough friend to let me unload everything on him.<p>

I kept my phone turned on, in case Eli needed me. Or in case I caved and went back to him. I hoped it didn't turn out to be the latter.

Because he needed to get better, to sort everything out. Not just his room, but his feelings. I could tell he still loved Julia, and to be honest, I understood, but the way he acted afterwards scared me. He went to such great lengths to keep me with him, and that scared me.

It also scared me about how strongly I felt about Eli. With KC, I thought I loved him, but as soon as we were over, I didn't miss him. Whenever I'm not around Eli, I feel like a part of me is missing. He keeps me guessing, and challenges me, and I like that.

But for now, I need to take care of myself, and not worry about anyone else.

My old friend Jake is in town, and I can't deny that even if he threw a dead frog at me the last time I saw him six years ago, I still do have the tiniest of crushes on him. I had always thought he was funny and cute, but even if that is still the case, I'm not going to try and be with him, because I'm clearly not over Eli.

But what if something with Jake would be good for me? What if he could get me to move on? All these "what ifs" right now and I'm emotionally confused.

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><p>Going back to Degrassi after everything was hard. With my new "single" relationship status, I felt kind of naked in the hallway. It was strange, seeing Eli and not being able to be with him.<p>

Eli seemed calm, emotionless…even robotic. He didn't say much, and when he did, it was one word answers. His face never rose in my favorite smirk and he never made some witty remark about my papers not being personal. Eli wasn't… Eli.

I pushed all my Eli thoughts away and tried focusing on school. Needless to say, it didn't work. I seriously needed to get my mind off of him.

"Alli!" I called. I caught a glimpse of her walking by and got her attention from Dave.

"What's up, Clare?" she asked. I could tell she was a little annoyed from when I basically ditched her to speak to Eli. Let's just say, he isn't one of her favorite people right now.

"Are you doing anything tonight? Say, Above the Dot at 7?" I asked.

"Sure! Dave and Sadie were going too, we can all hang!" Alli said. I nodded, and walked away.

The day had seemed to get better after my chat with Alli, but I was wrong. I saw Eli so many times and it hurt not being able to be there for him. If he was coming my way, I used every bit of strength to go the other way. I wasn't really avoiding him, but I felt sadder the more I saw him.

Jake took me home, and he even kissed me on the cheek. I had to admit, I blushed a little bit at this gesture. It seems my small childhood crush on Jake never did go away.

I did all my homework and as I was getting a bottle of water from the fridge, my mother stopped me.

"Oh Clare?" she called. "Don't forget the Martin's are coming tonight for dinner."

"But… Mom I'm going to Above the Dot with Alli tonight." I reminded her.

"Clare, I told you about this weeks ago! You are going to stay." My mother said sternly.

I sighed in annoyance, and got ready to go out anyway.

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><p>Dinner was awkward. Jake ate like an animal, but then again, he's a guy. It was a little disgusting to me because whenever I had dinner with Eli, he had such amazing table manners and actually ate like a regular human being and not a gorilla that had never tasted food before.<p>

I had managed to convince my mother to let me and Jake go to Above the Dot. I just wanted to get out of that house. It was suffocating me.

_Suffocating._ That word haunted me. I can't believe I called Eli suffocating… he was intense, but definitely not suffocating.

If I keep thinking about Eli like this while being with Jake, I need to at least befriend Jake again.

It was going to be a long night.

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><p>My throat hurt from screaming so loud at Eli. I definitely was going to lose my voice after that fiasco, but I couldn't care less at this point.<p>

Oh, and Jake kissed me. I won't deny that I enjoyed it, but I still felt a little weird considering I still love Eli. My lips didn't tingle after my kiss with Jake though, like they always did with Eli. With Eli, he made me feel so loved and looked after, and went after my happiness before his own. Always after a kiss, even if it was simple, my lips would tingle and I had to stop myself from giggling. Eli would always smirk at me with bright, shining green eyes, and then he'd intertwine our fingers, and I'd forget the entire world.

Getting over Eli is going to be harder than I thought.

Well…this is frustrating.

I looked over at the clock and noticed it was almost midnight. I changed into some simple light blue pants and a white spaghetti strap shirt. I was about to turn off my light when I heard the doorbell ring. My mom was out, so I didn't have to worry about her waking up.

As I went down the stairs, I slipped on a pair of blue slippers and a robe. I opened the door, and was met by darkness. It was a quiet night in Toronto, something that hardly ever happened. Did I imagine the door ringing?

I caught a glimpse of an object on the ground, a thin box.

Opening the box, it revealed a beautiful ivory rose, my favorite. All the thorns were snipped off carefully. Whoever did this wanted to make sure I didn't prick myself.

As I lifted the rose, I also noticed a small piece of paper. Before I opened the paper, I looked around for maybe a chance of someone nearby. Unfortunately, whoever gave me this was gone.

I opened the note slowly, and was met with slightly messy, slanted writing.

_Our three months together meant _everything _to me. I will never forget you as long as I live. You made me a better man. As much as I want to be with you, I want to get better, but even more I want you to be happy. If you need me, I'll always pick up the phone. I love you, Clare. I always have, and always will. _

_Eli _

I didn't feel the tears well up, but I absentmindedly wiped a tear away. He _loved_ me! My heart fluttered at the thought.

Eli Goldsworthy loves me.

I smiled a little and went back inside my empty house. I walked back upstairs, and set the rose on my bed. I hadn't stopped smiling, and I felt like I could fly.

_If you need me, I'll always pick up the phone…_ those words embedded itself in my mind. With no second thoughts, I picked up my charging cell phone.

"Please be awake…" I breathed. I pressed the green button, and awaited my favorite voice to pick up the phone. Every dial tone was like a lifetime, and my heart was beating so fast I thought I'd go into cardiac arrest.

This man is my thunder. The man who keeps me on my toes, the man who helps me through everything, dropping anything to be with me when I needed him.

This man kept me happy, he made me sad, he made me laugh, and he made me cry. But through it all, I loved him more deeply than the day before. I will stand by him and help him get better.

I will keep my promise.

"Hello?" I heard him answer. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"I love you too." I deadpanned.

On the other line, I could just _feel_ Eli smirking at me right now.

Screw not being able to be with him right now. I love him, and I'm going to be with him damn it!

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><p>I enjoyed writing the ending, where she finally called Eli. It is a happy ending, and I only made it one to help mend your broken EClare heart. Cause I just love a happy ending, don't you?<p>

So, leave me a review. They make me a happy dinosaur.

Go on…click the blue hyperlink *winky face*


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